I just want to be able to get up and work out before work. That's all I ask, body. Just fall asleep so I can.
My filming went... Interestingly. So, first day of filming, and the sound/camera guy breaks his hand (or at least tore a ligament? Whatever) and an actor shows up just drunk off his ass. The dude even had the nerve to try to critique My acting, during the 50th time we'd had to re-shoot a scene because he couldn't get his shit together. "... subtlety, subtlety..." like he has some place to speak from. I honestly feel like I could have killed him. Just, strangled the little fuck. But, it wasn't worth it. We needed him to finish, and I can't quite take my shot from a jailcell, can I? But, man. It'd been a long time since I'd felt such a strong urge to cause someone harm.
I gotta say though, I love how reminiscent of Tost (my old acting group) this filming session was. People unable to show, people being less than professional, and a handful of people trying their damnedest to put it all together and make it work. Most of these kids were pretty awesome, too, though one in particular was making my hair raise. Something about a dude that thinks he's smarter than the rest... Mm, just makes me want to gently lower him a peg or two. But I think I've found ways to bug him covertly. (... Subtlety, subtlety...)
In Other News! I've really sorta kinda not enjoyed examining the evolution of some of my friendships. Recently had to part ways with an old friend, and that just broke my heart. But worse, it's got me re-evaluating others. It's sad to find out that when you allow other people to set the level of friendship you both have, they might decide that the "Acquaintance Occasionally Run Into at Social Gatherings" option fit them best. I feel I should still be grateful. I have a a pair of awesome best friends, old and new, and my play lover. And, an interesting romantic interest. Not everyone has that much, with the amount of casual and great friends on the side that I do.
Now that I think of it, I'm pretty lucky. I actually feel like there are a lot of people in that "Casual-to-Great" category that would go to some extreme lengths if I needed it. It's just occasionally hard to see that, I suppose, from the perspective of a guy that would have any of his friends backs. If I actually label you friend, you can trust that no matter the situation, I'll be there. You get yourself on the bad side of 30 huge muscleheads, and I'll be on one of their backs gouging eyes before they can get a second punch in. And I'll join you shortly thereafter in getting our asses kicked. But, I'll have tried. I can't see myself not, you know? Weasely as I am, just not in me.
Aww, look at me with such high expectations of my character and assuming things of others. I must be very in tune with myself and the world. Maybe I'm just a lamer.
FragileArt
Friendship is a really weird thing that's difficult to pin down. I've been kind of debating lately how much of my friends' falling outs have been my fault, and how much has been theirs. For a long while, I got frustrated because everyone seemed to be less interested in hanging out with me than I was with them. This translated into me putting less and less time into my relationships and eventually becoming so disenchanted with the whole thing as to start passing up options to hang out when they did come up. I've had a lot of resentment about it, when some of the time, it really was my fault.
ReplyDeleteSo now, I'm trying to make more of an effort to reconnect with old friends (hence why I'm stalking your blog and Twitter). People don't always connect back, but it feels good to try, and I think I'm far more easy-going about it right now.
And, just so you know, I'll totally help you against 30 guys. I'll even bring a stick. ;)