changes

Life update time. Honestly, writing this all out always seems to help me think a bit clearer, so... Actually, fuck that. I don't need an excuse to fling the stories of my life into the nether. You all are the ones needing the excuse, reading something as boring as my life.

Anyhow. Philly trip, new job, school dilemma.

I went out to Philadelphia after Boris got the idea into my head of surprising his girlfriend, and my good friend, MaryKay with a birthday visit. I love being spontaneous like that, but there is always a bit of me less than enthused with my spending habits. I need to be saving, putting myself on a budget, being an adult. These are things I should be doing. But what is life without these moments? I love those two way too much to let so much time pass without seeing them as I allowed in the past. There were moments that I wouldn't have traded for anything, and the weekend was worth every penny. Some hilarious karaoke, a birthday dinner and party that I'll remember forever, a game of soccer that my body is still trying to forget. These things are beautiful, and remind me what everything is about.

I have a new job. I admit, it's not a big change from what I already have, as I'll be working front desk for a hotel. But, there are such better prospects with this place, and if I may be desperately honest, the culture change is what I need the most. The people at my older job, I can't think of more petty people. I have one person there that I would call a friend. The rest are so unhappy with their lives, or dead to the world already, that it leeches away at you. I feel that energy sapping away from me every hour I spend toiling and wasting myself in their building. It's a sick, cancerous thing, and it tries so hard to kill you. To drain you dry. I came here hoping to help change things, and was slowly defeated. It's rough here. But, now it's just an easy way to make a couple extra dollars to weasel away. I can start saving for my life Post loan debt! What a wondrous life that will be.

Honestly, I'm not so worried about schooling. Erick kinda saved me from that with a bit if sage advice. I still need to make a few calls, but it no longer has that bleak feeling to it. When I look forward, I don't feel that foreboding sense, that curious "shit's going to hit the fan" tingle.

Annnd, I'm done. I'm tired. And I should be working.

FragileArt

uh oh.

It's the big one. Turns out I'm going to need to ramp up my timetables here. There is a possibility of me moving out of PA as soon next year. Isn't that crazy? Have I finished everything here? What's left undone?

Well, first is college. I hate to cave, and those who know me, know I almost Fear being wrong, so... A big step. Life changing, right? In so many ways. Financially, this is going to put ripples to the pond (or puddles, but I won't go to war with you over words. Ah. Puddles. Cute how memory catches on silly things). But, if I'm going to do it, I need to Now. So, wednesday, bright and early I shall bug my old advisor, and chat up the registrar to see what Must be done to finish me out.

Man. Out of PA. Wild. Uncertain. Intriguing. No matter what I do, there will be words left unsaid, and deeds left undone. There are people I see now, and will miss as we lose touch. And there are those I've already lost touch with, and I'll miss them just as dearly, but the wider chasm will make it more acceptable. I'll shed this place, for better or worse.

And I won't even be there long... Damn. This will be a wild ride. I'm not ready, but I've Never been ready. Always too young, in mind, body. I've always felt like I get into my races ten seconds after the others have started, and it's so daunting to catch up. Daunting, normally, because I wasn't that great at most of the races. I've found the few that I shine best at, and can sprint to make up the distance, but here again... I feel like I just Finished a race and haven't been given proper recovery time. I Really wanted to handle these loans before I left, but, that doesn't seem to be an option. So, I hurtle myself off this cliff, and spread my arms, come what be.

A year is hard enough without Sam, but two? And no Erick for the second year? And who knows what would happen in that time. No. the cliff with them it is. I trust them and their intuition. This could turn out to be perfect, the best choice I've made (in, I'll admit, a line of sometimed suspect choices). Let's see!

Fragile Art.

must be 3am.

Restless mind at 3am.

Yesterday was awesome. Truly, a day that can reaffirm everything. I can't believe I still have so many friends hiding out in ol' IUP. I got there early, and never really got a chance to slow down between making spur of the moment plans with friends I had intended to see, and spending hours catching up with people that I (like a jerk) hadn't even thought of. There was some guilt tripping, and some people that got missed, but all and all, I couldn't have asked for a warmer reception. I miss so much about that place. Locales, and locals, with the latter holding the distinct advantage.

Pangs. Felt at the oddest times. Though in hindsight, I should have seen them coming. But the "power-through option" returned, which was just amazing and oh so well timed.

It's still going to be busy for me in the near future... I've got Philly in a few days to make good on a promise, and almost all free time before that is booked. Oy. It only confounds everything more that I have so little money right now. I Should be spending them on loans, and I promise to do my best to see that come to pass, but I Can't go to philly without alittle cash, can I? Maybe I can convince Boris to pay for it all...

Fragile Art