education.

So, Chicago was alright. I got to spend some time with friends, make up for lost time, and learn some things about what was a possible destination for me after I finish with my loans. I think I can officially scratch it off though. Those chilling winds aren’t for me, to say nothing for the aggressive drivers and ridiculous streets. It wasn’t a Terrible place to visit, but had it not been for good friends, I don’t think I would have enjoyed myself anywhere as much as I had.

It reminded me again to be more appreciative of the friends I’m close to now, though. I’ve managed to surround myself with people that are just somewhat ridiculously in sync with me. My affectionate tendencies don’t seem out of place, we all have similar thoughts on race, gender, and sexual issues. It’s always like a blast of cold water to the face whenever I leave this protective cocoon. Hearing a casual racist remark (whether they meant it only in jest, or were simply ignorant to what they were actually saying) always throws me for a moment. It’s so hard for me Not to make a deal out of it that it just makes me so uncomfortable, you know? It’s hard to handle the situation when it’s friends. Other people, please, I’d love to educate. But friends, bleh. That’s something I don’t like to force in an awkward direction.

I love being asked by people I barely know to be in their work. I know it’s only school films and such, but it’s really flattering. A girl that did the camera work for my last film just face booked me out of the blue, wondering if I’d like to handle the lead for her. I should be getting the actual script soon, so I’ll see what that looks like but I can’t see myself turning it down, even if it’s silly. I may not really like film, but who knows what could come of any of this? Even if it’s nothing, whatever, I’m making friends and useful connections for the future. Plus, this one may go smoother than the last. Who knows? I may just enjoy myself this time.

Beh, this should be enough for now. Y’all have a good day.

Fragile Art

late night chicago thoughts.

Just got done with a long, but thoroughly enjoyable day. I'm in chicago now... Half the trip here I spent sleeping off the effects of working overnight. Of course, before I did, my mates decided they ought to ply me with alcohol and delicious breakfast foods(bacon, eggs, and pancakes that might as well have been crepes). Good start. Slept halfway, and did my best to be entertaining the rest of the trip.

Just saw Sucker Punch. While I don't recommend it very highly, I think it had it's moments. The role of Blue? Yeah, I'd have had so much fun portraying that character. I'm jealous. I also had to have seemed the loon, getting so excited as he stayed so evil. A good showing by an actor can do wonders to me. Desperately, I need to get out of PA and into the stage. I don't know how much more I can bear.

More on chicago tomorrow. I don't really like it.

focus.

I really need to start checking myself. I've set myself on a course for the next couple of weeks that could turn out to be somewhat expensive. Trip to chicago for the next three days, trip to philly in two weeks for three days... With my phone, car, and student loan bills all hitting at the same time. And some weak paychecks due to me retiring days off. I need to tread lightly here. It's a scary place when money gets thin.

On the other hand, I've always been good at handling dire situations. I can focus and find a seriousness my normal, everyday self lacks. When confronted with these scenarios, I tend to handle myself do much better... Sometimes, it makes me wonder what it'd be like if I could find this mode in normal life. And why I never seem to.

Bah. I'll survive, even if I must lie, cheat, and steal. It's what I do.

So, chicago tonight (technically). This should be interesting. I have a friend who is a stage manager out there, and has a show going up. If I'm completely honest, I would day that I don't even know what show she's putting on, but... What kind of friend would I be if I admitted to that? :] I'll enjoy myself, though. Hopefully make some friends, seeing as Chicago remains an option for me later in life. But, that's something for another day.

I've been hearing the phrase "unalienable rights" in reference to people lately, and I can't tell you strongly enough how much that annoys me. When did humans hit the point that our egos grew so big as to cause us to forget that, in the end, we are still nothing more than animals? We have the same rights as all animals (i.e. To die, to be eaten by something stronger/bigger/faster/smarter than ourselves...). There is no Human Right to freedom, to health, to happiness. There is no right to equality. What we have are the contracts (spoken, unspoken) between each other that basically say "if you don't do these terrible things to me, I won't to you." But that doesn't make a right.

Not that I'm interested in anarchy or chaos. I just don't like that we've forgotten our place so easily. Our ideals are wonderful things to strive for, but let us leave our heads the correct size.

I'm also interested in this idea of what humans will be someday that so many people enjoy, even if it's just subconscious for the most part for a great number of us. The idea that we will someday evolve into these peaceful, beautiful creatures. Transcending these petty feelings of selfishness and the impulses to do "evil." Somehow, that thought just makes me laugh.

We're animals. We're temporary. We always will be. And that isn't such a bad thing.