Tuesday, May 4, 2010

2 days.

That's it. I have two more days of college left. I mean, I guess I haven't had any college left for a While now, but humor me on this. I'm alittle sore right now. Erick Randolph enjoys trying to kill me every once and a while at parties. I'm going to go ahead and assume he could, if he was willing to actually hurt me, put me down. But if it's just pure skill, I'll get him every time in the wrestling department. Of course, showing him that last night at our "Fairwell Pot-Luck Dinner" resulted in a little bit of a concussion scare for me, and a big lump and swollen temple. Which looks awesome, right now. I can see little under the skin blood spots, it's really quite lovely. I can't bite down fully, lest it flex too much, and make my temple way too tight.

But enough about that (I won't even Tell you about the awesome takedown I had on him, getting my arm up infront of him as I kicked out the back of his knee and brought me arm ba... -Cough-) let's clue everyone in on where I am now. I've finished up all my shows for the semester by now. The one act went splendidly, for Tost. We had a really strong opening weekend, and though our second to last show was 'eh, and the last show was merely acceptable, I'm very happy with it. It apparently offended at least one person, and... Whatever, you know? At least it got them thinking. Alternative relationships have to get some light shined down on them, if they are ever to be fully accepted by the world. Plus, it's fun to prod closed-minded people. (ugh. Just touched the sore spot on my skull.) I think I may have lost a good friend on the final night of shows though, but honestly... I can't do it anymore. I'm done with people flipflopping, or walking all over me. I've pretty much set myself to the callous course of letting go. For some reason, I keep letting this one girl do it to me... But I don't actually think she means to. But I admit, I'm someone mean when I ignore her. It's only to save myself the emotional strain though, so, I cannot feel too bad about it, right? I've let someone that used to be (used to? Fuck off.) very important to me go, and she's proven me right thus far in this exercise on real life. But I know a piece of me still clings. And I have No idea what I'm going to do about Dave Matthews this summer. Supposed to be driving to see him with Lauren and her, and... That's two days in close contact with someone that doesn't want to invest any real emotion or care into me. So, yeah. And, yeah. Flipflopping? Not accepted, right now. I've exposed too much of my soft underbelly lately, I think it's a good time to grow some thicker hide.

It does suck, though. She helped me through a really horrible time in my life, and I really thought I'd been helpful to her, as well. But, apparently not, as she so delightfully told me. I keep considering sending her a message, or an e-mail, but I just don't want to. Not that I don't care. But I refuse. I did nothing wrong but allow myself to speak how I wanted to in the middle of a ridiculous situation. If she chooses to blow it all out of proportion in her own mind, that's her prerogative. It's just amusing to see the world flip on it's head, at this point, as my perennial enemies seem to treat me nicely and friends become hurtful.

But anyhow! Despite that, the show went well overall. I'm happy with it. My other show went stupendously as well. I put my all into that Lucifer character. I have no real regrets, though I do have to admit I'd love to have another showing, just to really get it this time. We were all alittle off... But, when you only have one showing, that's it, you know? I have a video from it, and I'm always surprised to see how much I enjoy watching my own acting (Ego alert!). I just used to hate seeing myself so much when I was younger. I'd hide, ask to go to the bathroom, when it was almost my turn to be shown on video to the class in spanish. I couldn't handle it back then. But now? I can feel the whole experience again as I watch, reliving it. Tearing myself apart, while at the same time enjoying what I did thoroughly.

This has to be my life. I want it, and I'll have it.

"Acting is half shame, half glory. Shame at exhibiting yourself, glory when you can forget yourself." - John Gielqud