Monday, May 23, 2011

past tense

Past time.

It's something on my head tonight, (Mike being nostalgic? Who'd have seen That coming) and it felt like something worth a post. It's starting to feel like time is just... Escaping? Escaping me. That a good enough way to put it. Now that I'm not taking classes, I can just feel the moments road runner-ing past, and I feel like poor Wily, flat against a wall that had been painted to look like a tunnel entrance. I'm just trying to live, you know? It seems so strange to be the bad guy when that's all I'm striving for.

I miss midnight basketball with Boris, Bill, Ajit, and the revolving door of other characters. I miss fooling around in the honors college. I miss reading after school in the public library (among other things). I truely miss coming home and not wondering what my brother was going to do with his life, because there only seemed to be opportunities ahead.

This is not at all saying I'm not content with the way things are moving, don't take it that way. Life is pretty wonderful. I have made friends that mean the world to me, and reconnected with some older ones that used to. I have a relatively clear plan for the next year of my life. I've taken some steps to make Sure I start taking better care if my body, and have gotten plenty of free time to drink my masks away. I'm particularly happy with how I've come to terms with a few things. Admitted things to myself, and become healthier as a result.

Also, I didn't get attacked by rapters on the 22nd, which can only mean I'm doing things right. :] It honestly pains me that there were people that believed that might come to pass. That truely were so Certain that god was going to take the time to pluck them specifically, those true believers, away from the shitstorm he had planned for those darned dirty sinners. Cause it's always fun to be part of the elite. But how did it feel for them, directly after? I'd prefer to never know. How empty that had to feel. And, how could you feel after spending your families life savings? Beggaring yourself and maybe loved ones, only to wake up on the 23rd, still here? Embarassment, disillusionment, guilt, devastation, and feeling cheated all in one? I'll pass on that feeling, if I can.

Ugh. That makes me cringe in sympathy pain. I don't know if I can even mock them, after what they must be feeling now.

Also! My calves Burn and Ache, courtesy of one miss Lauren. I'm starting up some running training with her. See if I can't work off some of these excess pounds I picked up somewhere. But I'm super excited about this. I know that when I used to keep up with my decent workout schedule, I had so much more positive energy. I will welcome it's return, trust me. Also, I would prefer to never look like some of the people that come through my job.

Anyhow! Work!

Fragile Art

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