Wednesday, October 5, 2011

welcome to the world of entertainment.

(For whatever reason, this didn't post when I wrote it. So... The setting that I wrote this in is: Overnight, 3am, GetGo. So... Rarely a good mood place.)

I've started reading "The Perks of Being a Wallflower." It's something I've been avoiding for a while, but a very close friend of mine passed a copy into my hands and well... Why not, right?
Because I'm a jerk. That's why that was a bad choice.
She even knew it while handing it to me, and expressing how much it meant to her. She didn't think I'd be able to identify with the character, and that that was really important to really enjoying it. What I don't think she quite remembers is that growing up, I had just as much in common with the boy as anyone else.
(also, fyi, I'm only about a quarter of the way in, but I think I could probably write the rest in a much less eloquent way than Stephan.)
Most of Highschool, and pretty much
(oh dear god I'm at work and this woman must be the most ridiculously sad excuse for a "thinking" creature there is in the world dear jebus how does someone lack the shame or embarassment to actually ask "how do I swipe this?" When referring to their unemployment card at the atm dear FUCKING GOD THERE ARE TWO FUCKING OPTIONS, FACING ONE WAY OR THE OTHER AND FUCK DON'T PUT IT IN THE RECIEPT SLOT. Please. For all our sakes. Go drink kerosene, lady.)
all the grades before it saw me as just as depressing as this kid. Few friends, low as it gets social standing, desperately awkward. So, I get it.
Really, I do.
But these sorts of books, these sorts of characters only make me think one thing. "Man. This really feels like masturbation for my childhood." Truely, I love you, my friends. I really don't mean to be a jerk about something that so many of the people I care about love, so please don't take this as anything more than me being a grouch.
But masturbation is exactly it. We're stroking the memories of our younger selves, as awkward as that sounds. A hero has been created, and that might be the problem for me. I've never identified with the heros. But look at what we have. He's everything we ever were as the awkward, cast off child at the dance, watching all those prettier, more social and thus cooler kids living it up as we got bothered by bullies. Except, he's better. He's what we'd like to think we were, or wish we'd been. He's so heroically pure, so innocent before all the things that go down in his life. He can fight and beat the bullies but after one skuffle, he's the bigger man, choosing not to hurt him too much, and then never having to fight again. He's a wallflower, but he's noticed and revered for it. He has a penchant for uttering things that are pricelessly poetic. He has a crush, but he's so innocent about it... Beh. It's masterbation. We're simply getting off on the idea of having experienced all that we had, being able to identify with him, that brings us close to having been him.
That makes US the hero.
I'm just not too into that. It feels slightly perverse and sticky to me. We don't have to have been heros, or even be them.
We are who we are. That's not such a bad thing. *
With all that said, it's a half decent read thus far. I may finish it simply because I can't just Stop reading something. Jeez.
Fragile Art.
* unless you're unemployment lady. Then it is a bad thing.

1 comment:

  1. Re-read that book this past year... first read it when I was a teenager. Good book... he even mentions The Smiths in his song lists, which is awesome, and probably relatable to you, too. It's a good book... I was a huge dorky wallflower as a kid, so it was relatable for me, as well, although it wasn't to a 'T'. I miss you MRod <3