Monday, March 14, 2011

forgive my indecision, i am only a man

I love dreams. Especially vivid ones about old friends. It's part nostalgia, part guilt for allowing them to become "old friends" and no longer "current friends." But that's life, I suppose.

I'm currently enjoying some unexpected bonuses from my filming experience. I have a whole new group of friends in a different area of pittsburgh, and it seems to click so much better than with some of my other groups. Surrounded by actors, film students, and other eccentrics, I feel so little judgement. Yes, the group can be ridiculous, and slightly hedonistic at times, but it's so much more honest. Or maybe I'm just being more honest.

I used to be fully capable of just putting on a mask and playing a part in social gatherings, but I honestly just don't have the energy anymore. I don't know if it's just a factor of getting older (I inch towards 25, how scary is that?) or if I just don't care for the bs of it all anymore. There are too many people that I can spend time with that genuinely would enjoy it. Why should I bother even wasting the energy? It's sad, but I think I may be able to get over it.

I also can't wait to explain to my bosses that I'm gonna be seasonal again sometime soon while finishing my degree, after they've finally started me on the track towards the promotion I've been promised for 6 months. Amusing. But honestly, I'd just like to finish it off. I hate having it hang over my head like it has, a skeleton in my closet. Plus, Erick Randolph is a jerk and a good friend. As much as i would have preferred him just agreeing with me... It's appreciated that he'd really let me know what he thinks. That's a real friend. I've got enough people that allow me to be stubborn.

Anyhow! Enough for work!

Fragile Art

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