Wednesday, March 2, 2011

what i deserve.

I type this, my phone precariously suspended above water by only a few scant inches. A long, long bath is just what I deserve. It's been a long week... But, I suppose I've already sort of made that clear, huh? And it's not done yet. Maybe some day, but definitely not until this sunday.

Wow. Sad. I'm not even sure I'll be done with this crazy schedule by then.

But, anyhow, yes. I'm back. And I apologize for the lack of eccentric wording and topics lately. I've been tired, and for some reason have been forcing myself to write. But if I'm going to have this stupid thing, I'm damn well going to use it.

But I digress. Again. My point for this one was to bring up how tired I am of being judged. There was an incident earlier today where I actually bit my tongue, (I know, I know. Me? Bite my tongue? My thumb perhaps, but never the tongue!) and I can't stress how hard that was. If you don't actually know me, please do not assume you can label me. Though, I give him some respect for doing it to my face, instead of smiling whilst I'm around and speaking in whispers when I'm not.

Of course, I suppose it's easier to make a monster of someone than deal with a truth you don't care to admit. But either way, I'm sorry if that girl you're with and me fooled around once, but, without any arrogance... Had I wanted her, I could have had her. So stop being afraid of me. Because I just don't care. You don't have to keep trying to prove yourself, and I run very quickly out of willpower to keep civil. It stops being amusing after a year or so.

I'm a flirt. I lose faith more and more in typical social mores and ideals everyday. Sex as pertaining to it's elevated status as a purely romantic act is laughable to me. Can you honestly tell me that, after truly taking a few moments to think about it and our culture today, you still think that it should be so taboo? So "heehee! Sex is only for love. Otherwise, ewww! That's evil!"

Grow up, and catch up.

Yes. Sex can mean so much as a romantic action. With care and passion, (I'm amused my phone keeps trying to, through the swype feature, insert tpoison when I attempt passion... Keep your insights to yourself, mytouch) intercourse can be wonderful.

But, I'm of the idea that sex is simply too base. It's pleasure now. I take pleasure in many things. Video games, reading, pushing orphanages off cliffs (but only british orphanages). Sex is Fun. Between two consenting people, it's just fun.

But... I can't see it as a basically romantic gesture. I find romance in everyday actions. Getting up together, making breakfast. Finding a quiet moment to send them a text, or leaving a voicemail. Stealing a kiss, or a silent moment, holding hands. Fuck, you can have beautiful, loving moments at the DMV that mean so much more than sex ever could. Valuing it so highly is archaic.

But, this could, I suppose, just be me. I'm not a jealous creature. The few times I've felt so, it's felt so foreign and wrong. You are forever free to go where you desire.

Though it'd be nice if that always led you back to me.



  1. I see. You save children but not the British Children. Do you also have two on the vine, so divine?

    I'm of a mix when it comes to views on sex. I've had enough poor experiences to not be able to view it casually when it pertains to myself, but that's personal view and not a universal label. I also think sex can be romantic, but it definitely doesn't have to be (and making that a requirement is ridiculous and kind of places way too much pressure on the act). I reserve it for committed relationships just because of my bad experiences, but I don't expect others to.

    Also, seriously, people still do the whole "you have a sexual history in the past" jealousy thing? I mean...most people have been with multiple people before, right, in some way or another? It's ridiculous to get all hung up on it (unless that person-from-the-past is still hung up on it and being threatening, which obviously doesn't apply to you). Bah. I keep forgetting the world doesn't mature with me.

    I can admit I can be a jealous person, and I hate it. It takes a lot of effort for me to push it down and suck it up, but I try. I'm not always successful, but I can also usually tell when I'm just being a baby about it and don't let it out. I dislike that part of my nature, and I try to change it, but it seems like sometimes there's things about us that we don't like that are severely difficult to adjust. In the end, I suppose it's when and how we express those parts that maybe have to change?

    I'm rambling here, but, in tandem with your "But if I'm going to have this stupid thing, I'm damn well going to use it," if you have a comment box, I'm damn well going to use it to ramble incoherently when I should be sleeping. Until you tell me to bugger off.

  2. Haha, no, no. Feel free to ramble. I love reading it. I actually hadn't been made aware of the comments by Blogger yet, until I noticed just now. I honestly didn't expect anyone to really be paying any attention to this thing.

    But, yeah. Like I said, all those ideals can simply just be me. I can't act like my thoughts are or should be universal, though I'd feel like we'd all be happier if we could get over ourselves and our need to own another, just to feel selfishly comforted.

    There are so many good people out there. I just hate the idea of turtling away with one forever, only regularly talking or showing affection to them, because we're now required to. That Sucks. But anyhow... Yeah. <3 Miss you, Dani!

  3. What are you talking about stop being sensible and foist your opinions on others GOSH.

    I know people happily poly; is that what you're considering?

    Also you can tell Blogger to alert you to comments if you're like me and hoard every solitary one you get. I live on the internet, stalking blogs of people I know and pestering them by commenting on almost everything.

    I miss you, too. And the ice cream you owe me. We have to get together for that before I move to the other side of the country. ;)

  4. Sort of, I suppose. I've considered it pretty heavily, actually. I've seen a few success stories, and a few explosions come from it, but...

    Honestly? I'm sure I'd be fully capable of handling a poly lifestyle. It's other people I rarely trust on it.

    And, don't I also owe you another spaghetti dinner, too?

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  6. Not that I'd Have to be in a poly relationship to be happy. A healthy monogamous relationship with understanding would fit me just fine

  7. I don't know. I'm perfectly willing to be treated to spaghetti. Or am I supposed to cook this time, too? I'm totally cool with that. For a switch up, I could make enchiladas. I'm pretty good at those, though it's been a long time since I've made meat ones.

    And yeah, relationships are weird and I'm extremely happy for the one I have, despite it's interesting quirks (him living in Texas and refusing to move to Arizona being one of them). But you never know what's going to fit right until you find it. Took my mom til her third marriage to really be

    At least we have time? :)